Be yourself; Everyone else is already taken.
— Oscar Wilde.
This is the first post on my new blog. I’m just getting this new blog going, so stay tuned for more. Subscribe below to get notified when I post new updates.
Lets get personal- My story
So I’ve decided for my second blog I will tell you all about my mental health journey. Some people may be able to relate, and those that can’t I hope you enjoy.
Ever since I was a child, as young as I can remember I’ve strugged woth anxiety. My first memory is probably in year 2 at primary school and my mum would drop me off the the classroom and i would be sobbing for hours wishing she could just take me home or better still stay with me. I hated being away from her and not in my ‘safe place’. I rarely went to kids parties because I chose not to. Didnt have a proper sleep over until I was around 15yrs old and even then I sonbed and my friends dad stayed up with me most of the night making sure I was ok because i refused to let me anxiety take over and go back to my ‘safe place’
Everytime the river was slightly high I’d be worrying it would flood and not be able to sleep at night worrying about it. Watching back on old family videos, me around 3yrs old asking my mum every few minutes if my hair bobble would fall out because i was so obsessed it would. (Not like it was the end of the world but to me it was). If my dad was working nights id be scared we would get burgled while he was out and some harm would come to me or my mum.
Fast forward a few years to high school and i remember getting so anxious for exams and having to give presentations that id be worrying for weeks and being physically sick because of it. I only ever had 1 panic attack, ive been close to many more but luckily for me one was bad enough that I try so hard to snap out of them and its worked so far.
When my anxiety kicks in i bite my fingers, pick at my face and bite the inside of my mouth, so much so that ive recently had to have a minor op and have stitches in my mouth from the damage I caused.
When I leave my house i have to checked plug sockets are off, the door is locked and nothing insode cam cause any harm to my pets whilst im not there. The list goes on but this then brings me to this year (2019).
I can only describe my summer as having some kind of mental breakdown. Work was getting on top of me, I had recently moved out of my ‘safe place’ and into my own house with my fiance, my dog wasnt setting and terrible distressed. I was sinking further into a dark hole so referred myself online to IAPT (Adult Improving Access to Psychological Therapies programme) I knew i needed to get on top of all my issues i had suffered with for almost all my life because i had never at that point in my life felt so low. I began CBT and my therapist diagnosed me with now just anxiety but depression and OCD. I always thought OCD was simply wanting everything clean all the time but I was wrong. My therapist belived that because I didnt have any coping mechanisms for my anxiety and OCD that this then caused the Depression.
My journey is still ongoing, I am awaiting more therapy but a diagnosis helped me come to terms with my issues and understanding my behaviour . I also think it helped my family understand me a lot more.
Still a long road ahead but im living it. Moods and Me is who I am and im embracing it 💪
A letter to me
To my younger self,
At 27 you will get diagnosed with OCD, depression and anxiety but that’s ok because we will get you help. Please do not let the worry consume your life. You have come so far and for that you should be proud.
Your worries aren’t ‘silly’ I know its easy to say but please listen.
The job you always dreamed of will no longer be just a dream. You’ll be late home, miss family birthdays and parties, see dead bodies, go to domestics and so much more, there will be stress but it will be ok. You will meet great friends through this and for that you will be so thankful.
All your anxiety and obsessions for years will start to make sense because the therapy will help you, your family and friends will be with you every step of the way. The biting of the inside of your lip you have done for as long as you can remember until it bleeds will now make sense because this is your anxiety and one day you will find a way to manage it.
While I write this letter everything seems so far away and unreachable but i promise you my darling it wont be, one day you will start to feel better. One day you will feel happy and content and it will be the best time of your life seeing yourself come out of the darkest time in your life. You my woman are strong and you can get through anything. Life is a test and is never meant to be easy.
Introduce Yourself (Example Post)
This is an example post, originally published as part of Blogging University. Enroll in one of our ten programs, and start your blog right.
You’re going to publish a post today. Don’t worry about how your blog looks. Don’t worry if you haven’t given it a name yet, or you’re feeling overwhelmed. Just click the “New Post” button, and tell us why you’re here.
Why do this?
- Because it gives new readers context. What are you about? Why should they read your blog?
- Because it will help you focus you own ideas about your blog and what you’d like to do with it.
The post can be short or long, a personal intro to your life or a bloggy mission statement, a manifesto for the future or a simple outline of your the types of things you hope to publish.
To help you get started, here are a few questions:
- Why are you blogging publicly, rather than keeping a personal journal?
- What topics do you think you’ll write about?
- Who would you love to connect with via your blog?
- If you blog successfully throughout the next year, what would you hope to have accomplished?
You’re not locked into any of this; one of the wonderful things about blogs is how they constantly evolve as we learn, grow, and interact with one another — but it’s good to know where and why you started, and articulating your goals may just give you a few other post ideas.
Can’t think how to get started? Just write the first thing that pops into your head. Anne Lamott, author of a book on writing we love, says that you need to give yourself permission to write a “crappy first draft”. Anne makes a great point — just start writing, and worry about editing it later.
When you’re ready to publish, give your post three to five tags that describe your blog’s focus — writing, photography, fiction, parenting, food, cars, movies, sports, whatever. These tags will help others who care about your topics find you in the Reader. Make sure one of the tags is “zerotohero,” so other new bloggers can find you, too.
Moods & Me 